Growing up, and even still, I suffer from chronic depression. It was way worse back then, than it is now. I was bullied all through middle school, and high school. I didn’t know who my dad was, I did not feel like I fit in anywhere (even among my own family). I struggle/ struggled with major self esteem issues. There are many other reasons for my depression, but these are just a few. After I moved to North Carolina in December of 2012, it got worse. I had been uprooted from the town that I grew up in. Where all my friends were that had met from going to so many different schools. We were closer to family, but at that point it didn’t matter because I didn’t feel like I belonged in the family anyways. After a couple months I found a job at Wendy’s and had met a few people, one being Daveed, but they were not a good group of people to be around, not even him. They were also nothing like the friends I had 3-4 states away. I met a few people, that lived about 30 minutes away from me in Lumberton, and I started a job there, at Waffle House. I then met a guy named Justin. Through meeting these people, and them being nothing compared to my friends in Ohio, I went deeper into my depression. I had started planning my suicide. I also had started drinking a lot. One night Daveed, Justin and I went out and drank. After we drank, Daveed had to go home, so I drove him there. Justin and I got a hotel room at the Econolodge. Me being drunk and not really thinking about what could happen, we slept in the same bed, and had sex. The next day I took him home, and went home myself. I kept planning my suicide for a few weeks afterwards. About 6-7 weeks after that night I started to feel sick, a sick that I hadn’t felt before. My first thought was, “Omg, I am pregnant!” So I went and bought a test. It was positive, so I ended up taking 3 more tests. God had sent me an angel to give my life purpose. I prayed and prayed that my pregnancy would go well, and that I would soon have a healthy baby. I also prayed for a girl, but honestly I wouldn’t have cared. I found out it was a girl at around 16 weeks, and I was more than happy. More than ecstatic.
From the day I found out that I was pregnant until today, and I know I will feel same way until the day I take my last breathe, I knew that God sent me my baby girl to give my life purpose. To give me a reason to not be selfish and take my own life. To have someone to love me, for me. To have someone that would never leave me. I will never be able to thank God enough for sending me my little Maliah! I can’t say that I don’t know where I would be without her, because I do know. And I am so glad that she came to save me. To give my life a meaning, and purpose!