So I am going to be telling a very embarrassing story today. While it might not seem so embarrassing to you, put yourself in my shoes!

I was 9 years old. My mom, my sister and I were going to my aunt and uncles house for a football game I believe. About halfway through the game, I went to the bathroom to pee. When I wiped all I saw was blood. So I pulled my pants up and ran to my mom. I brought her to the bathroom, and she said I had started my period. AT 9 YEARS OLD!?!? She then proceeded to tell the family, and ask for some feminine products, ew! I was very embarrassed. Also was in shock.

This was just a short story, of an embarrassing moment!


Current event blog: Gorilla incident.

So everyone recently has been outraging about the gorilla incident that happened in the Cincinnati Zoo. Here’s my opinion, the mother of that 4 year old boy should not have let him out of her site! I totally blame the mother, because if she would have been watching him like a normal mother would being in a busy zoo like this, he wouldn’t have had time to find his way into the gorilla’s enclosure. So many thing’s could have happened to this little boy, it could have been something even worse. He could have gotten kidnapped in that time, instead of this happening. I believe that a mother can let their child out of their site for a short amount of time and something happen, but for a 4 year old boy to have enough time to find his way in there, that doesn’t happen everyday. Also, I do not think they should have shot Harambe, not at all! He seemed to be trying to protect the boy in the video I saw. It did not seem to be wanting to harm the boy. I personally believe that the zookeeper should have at least tried to distract the gorilla before making this decision. The gorilla should know the zookeeper, so there could have been a chance of saving 2 lives. Now an innocent, endangered species (silverback) gorilla is even more endangered because this careless mother didn’t watch her son!

Again this is my opinion, not everyone will agree. That’s okay! (:

Angry isn’t even the word.

So I have made many blogs already about my daughter Maliah, and here is yet another. I told the story in a recent blog about how I met her father and how she came about. For those who have not read my other blog about that, she came from a drunken one night stand with a guy who used to be a co-worker/friend of mine. So with that being said, I was basically asking for a dead beat dad situation to occur. Sadly, that’s exactly what I got. Justin was not there for me through any of the pregnancy, was not there when she was born (and he even had time to make arrangements, due to me being induced), and has only seen her 4 times in her almost 19 months of life! This makes me so heated. Angry is not even the word that I would use. I went through not having a father figure in my life, and then going through a situation where I was calling a man “dad” that wasn’t even my dad! So to know that my daughter is going through the same thing I did, kills me every day! I don’t want her to have the personal problems within herself, that I have in myself. I do not want her to think that she is not good enough, or that he doesn’t love her. I am sure somewhere deep, deep, down in that cold heart of his, he loves her. He just hasn’t had the best way of showing it. The 4 times that he has seen her, was because of me. I had to initiate it every time. The first time, he even said he doesn’t care if he saw her or not (which I have printed out in pictures, in case he decides to be stupid in the future)! Now I am not saying that I will not let my daughter meet her father later in life if that’s what she wants, she can. I wouldn’t deny her that even for a second. I met my dad when I was 16, because I begged my mom to find him for me from when she told me at 10 years old! But my meeting him didn’t help, in fact it made it worse. I decided that it was a good idea to move in with him. That did not end well. He played major favoritism him to his 3 other daughters, and I was invisible. So I just really don’t want her to go through something like this, and only make matters worse. I have forgiven my father for what he did when I was a baby, but not for how he made me feel while I was living with him at 17. I still have major anger and even hatred towards my father, and towards Maliah’s father. I am not sure that will ever go away. But there is an upside to all this! I have gotten to watch my daughter grow into the little independent 19 months old that she is today, all by myself! I got to raise her how I felt was necessary. I have got to take her to all her doctor visits, all her first holiday events with the family, and all the times she’s gone to new places (the zoo, beach, pool, etc.). I would not have it any other way, even though I know it will one day come out, I am going to enjoy every second that I have with her. I will enjoy her smiles, her laugh, and everything else that comes with this precious life God has given me.

Moral of the story: Maliah is my world. Despite what I have been through, what she will one day have to go through, and what we go through on a daily basis! I love being her mommy!

My purpose in life is you!

Growing up, and even still, I suffer from chronic depression. It was way worse back then, than it is now. I was bullied all through middle school, and high school. I didn’t know who my dad was, I did not feel like I fit in anywhere (even among my own family). I struggle/ struggled with major self esteem issues. There are many other reasons for my depression, but these are just a few. After I moved to North Carolina in December of 2012, it got worse. I had been uprooted from the town that I grew up in. Where all my friends were that  had met from going to so many different schools. We were closer to family, but at that point it didn’t matter because I didn’t feel like I belonged in the family anyways. After a couple months I found a job at Wendy’s and had met a few people, one being Daveed, but they were not a good group of people to be around, not even him. They were also nothing like the friends I had 3-4 states away. I met a few people, that lived about 30 minutes away from me in Lumberton, and I started a job there, at Waffle House. I then met a guy named Justin. Through meeting these people, and them being nothing compared to my friends in Ohio, I went deeper into my depression. I had started planning my suicide. I also had started drinking a lot. One night Daveed, Justin and I went out and drank. After we drank, Daveed had to go home, so I drove him there. Justin and I got a hotel room at the Econolodge. Me being drunk and not really thinking about what could happen, we slept in the same bed, and had sex. The next day I took him home, and went home myself. I kept planning my suicide for a few weeks afterwards. About 6-7 weeks after that night I started to feel sick, a sick that I hadn’t felt before. My first thought was, “Omg, I am pregnant!” So I went and bought a test. It was positive, so I ended up taking 3 more tests. God had sent me an angel to give my life purpose. I prayed and prayed that my pregnancy would go well, and that I would soon have a healthy baby. I also prayed for a girl, but honestly I wouldn’t have cared. I found out it was a girl at around 16 weeks, and I was more than happy. More than ecstatic.

From the day I found out that I was pregnant until today, and I know I will feel same way until the day I take my last breathe, I knew that God sent me my baby girl to give my life purpose. To give me a reason to not be selfish and take my own life. To have someone to love me, for me. To have someone that would never leave me. I will never be able to thank God enough for sending me my little Maliah! I can’t say that I don’t know where I would be without her, because I do know. And I am so glad that she came to save me. To give my life a meaning, and purpose!

Childhood Memories.

When I was a child, between the ages of 7 and 13, I lived in a neighborhood that was full of kids. The first being Sheridan Village. I have many friends that came from that neighborhood. But while I was staying there, I was outside everyday. I would knock on all of my friends’ doors and ask if they could come out, so by the end of that I would have at least 4 people following me. In that neighborhood, behind the apartments was a small park. To get to the park you had to cross a small bridge across the creek. This was our favorite place to hang out. The creek, not the park! We would build our own bridges out of rocks and long sticks. We would venture far down the creek, way past where we were allowed to go, but it was so worth it. One time we ventured so far that we were across from the corn field that sat behind the park. We found a homeless persons “home”. We were too scared to actually enter it, due to the fact that there were knives in the trees around it. But, we loved being adventurous. We had no care in the world.

Another neighborhood I lived in was Dominion Homes. Also a neighborhood full of kids. This neighborhood was too big to venture too far, and didn’t have a creek around it to adventure through. But what I loved so much about this neighborhood was my next door neighbors. There were 4 sisters who lived there, I can’t remember all their names right off. But the one that was closest to my age was Haley. She and I became very close. Close enough to where she taught me about Jesus Christ! She told me about her church, and all the fun she had there. Learning about Him, and everything else! I started going with her, and I went every Sunday that I was able to! I still think to this very day that Haley was put in my life for me to find Jesus, and become a Christian!

These are two parts of my childhood that are my absolute favorite!

Not a smooth ride, but worth it.

So about 2 years ago I found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy was not the easiest by any means, I had my issues that’s for sure. I had gestational diabetes, which caused me to have to prick my own finger multiple times a day. This was hard for me because I already had a fear of needles when other people were pricking me with them, let alone me doing it to myself. I had Braxton Hicks for the majority of the middle to end of my pregnancy as well. When it came time for me to go to my last pregnancy check up, the doctor had ordered me an ultrasound. The results were that I had to go straight to the hospital after leaving the doctors office with a laminated slip of paper in my had that read “High Risk Patient”! The doctor had said she was running out of room! This being my first child, I was very nervous and scared. So I did as he said and went straight to the hospital, without even going home to get my bag I had packed for my/our stay. When we arrived, we being me and my mother, we checked in and waited about 30 minutes before we got called back. During this thirty minutes, I was shaking. I couldn’t sit still, I got up multiple times to walk around the area. Anyways, once we got called back to the room, it went so fast. It seemed like as soon as they got me in the room that I would soon deliver my baby girl in, they got me hooked up to an IV and started to induce me. I was induced at around 2 pm. My pain didn’t start until about 730pm when they broke my water for me, and as soon as it started I asked for an epidural. They were in there about 10-15 minutes later and got my epidural done. Within minutes I felt no pain at all. Around 10pm that night the doctor came to check on me and said I was so many centimeters dilated and left the room, he guessed that it would be tomorrow before little Maliah would come. 10 minutes later my mom had to run into the hallway and get someone because I felt I had to push right then! So they came and got the room fully ready and so it began! I pushed for 30-45 minutes, and at exactly 11pm on November 10th, 2014, Maliah entered the world. She was 8 pounds 9 ounces, 21 inches long when she was born. I chose to do skin to skin with her, so she was placed on my chest after they wiped her off just a little bit. I also chose to breastfeed, so I attempted to do that after having her on my chest for about 10 minutes. She latched right on. I was in Heaven, or so it felt like it. I had a beautiful baby girl, that latched right on, and even though the ride was not smooth (the ride being pregnancy and birth), it was very much worth it, and still is! She is the light of my life, I wouldn’t have changed anything about my pregnancy or my child birthing experience for the world. My story is unique, and I will love it until I die.

Just a little about Jessie.

Hello, my name is Jessie. My real name is Jessica but only my momma can call me that without getting the death stare. I am currently 21 years old. My favorite colors are blue and purple, of course it hasn’t always been this way, it used to be pink and now I despise pink. My favorite food, before I went on a health kick about 2 weeks ago, was pizza. Now that I’m on a health kick, it would probably have to be pizza still. You can make a healthy and delicious pizza out of anything.  Anyways, I have a daughter, her name is Maliah. She is currently 18 months old. She is literally the light of my life. Most days she is the only reason I want to pull myself out of bed. I also am pregnant with my second child, (I’m about 24 weeks along), it is a boy. His name is going to be Myles Aiden. I had a check up last week, and he’s measuring small (about 2 1/2 weeks behind). The doctors didn’t seem alarmed by that, but I was. Mainly being because with Maliah, I always measured 2 weeks ahead, not behind. I am sure everything will be okay, just not quite sure how I feel about it. I also have to take a 3 hour sugar test in the morning. The only good part is that I get to cheat on my diet, and eat jellybeans! Yum! The last main thing about me that I have not mentioned at all is the fact that I am with Myles’ daddy. We have been talking on and off for about 7 months. We automatically fell for each other, but me being hard headed, I pushed him away and went back to something I knew was not good for me or my kids. We worked things out, and have been amazing ever since. He treats me like a queen, and always knows just what to say when I get in my moods. Which with the pregnancy hormones running wild, I’m sure I am not the most fun to be around, (sorry babe)! Well, I do not know what other “main” points about me to hit, so I am going to list some random facts about me below. Enjoy!

Random fact #1: I love mashed potatoes. Probably my second favorite food. Sadly, I have yet to find a healthy way to make them, but do not fear, I will soon!

Random fact #2: I am bi-sexual. I will blog more about this in the near future.

Random fact #3: I love the North Carolina Tarheels (only in basketball), and the Ohio State Buckeyes (only in football)!

Random fact #4: I love taking pictures! One day I hope to have a client list a couple pages long, and make side money that way!

Random fact #5: I love writing about anything and everything (hints why I started this blog)!!

Random fact #6: I will be starting college classes back soon, for business and Early Childhood Education. I hope and dream to one day own my own daycare and run it the way I believe a daycare should be run! (Again I will blog more about what I mean in the near future)!